No family time this year, so when I felt sad for a moment, I called my daughter but then felt sadder after our conversation. I felt her disappointment in my absence from her home at Christmas. I feel guilty because, not only do I have a valid reason to not travel there (raging pandemic), but a large part of me didn’t want to go. I’m quite a homebody anyhow, and I want to spend the holiday listening to holiday music, watching old holiday movies, making pot brownies (and eating them!), drinking spiked eggnog with my neighbors, and delighting in the carolers who came to my home.
My daughter doesn’t like Christmas carols and, it seems to me, the holiday for them is primarily about presents, although I know they appreciate family, too. To bring some meaning and spirituality to the holiday, I asked my daughter if we could visit a place that celebrated in a universally spiritual way. We did that two years in a row. Both times were just too religious for us, even me. Maybe with this year off, we’ll discover some new ways to celebrate that might include something spiritually meaningful, as well as the warm family time spent together.
Without the family around, making Christmas warm and meaningful for me, at first, was challenging because my husband is Jewish and didn’t celebrate Christmas growing up. He celebrated Hanukkah and has very little juice for Christmas. One year I bought him an electric Menorah so it can stay lit longer than the candles, which he likes. This year, he bought me a live, little planted tree, and helped me wrap it in lights. It was then that I realized, he is bringing what he knows to bring, and I must do the rest.
So, I stopped my internal whining, and decided I would have a Christmas spirit! And it was going to include all of my children somehow. Due to an error in judgment that cost me $1,000, I turned it around and, instead of it going to scammers, I was able to double the amount of what I spent on Christmas gifts for every child and grandchild! That made me happy, so happy. Hah, to that scammer because in the end they got zilch and my family got it all! True grinches do exist but they don't have to win.
My point? It is my choice to be in the spirit that attracted MORE of the same good stuff. So I must get a handle on this guilt because it can become an obstacle to Joy, and more of what Spirit wants to bless me with. We do, after all, co-create our reality with our beliefs and actions. What if I believe I'm good? That I'm a good mother, even though I want to stay home; that I'm a good coach, even though I didn't sent everyone holiday cards; that I'm a good wife, even though I, well, none of your business LOL
How about you, my dearest reader? Are you an obstacle to your joy? What will you choose? What will you stand up for in the name of your joy?
I invite you to write about these topics in a journal now and next year, and then see what comes to fruition in upcoming years.